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Women and Bunnings

Women and Bunnings

Bunnings Story!

Charlie was installing a new door and found that one of the hinges was missing.

He asked his wife Mary if she would go to Bunnings and pick up a hinge.

 Mary agreed to go. While she was waiting for the nice young man to finish serving a customer, her eye caught a beautiful bathroom vanity tap set…

When the man was finished, Mary asked him, “How much is that vanity set?”


The young assistant manager replied, “That’s a gold plated set and the price is $500.00.”

Mary exclaimed, “My goodness, that is very expensive. It’s certainly out of my price bracket.” She then proceeded to describe the hinge that Charlie had sent her to buy. The manager said that he had them in stock and went into the storeroom to get one.

From the storeroom the manager yelled. “Lady, do you wanna screw for the hinge?”

Mary paused for a moment and then shouted back, “No, but I will for the vanity set.”


This is why you can’t send a woman to Bunnings!

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Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Morbi semper, nulla eu aliquet blandit, orci orci varius turpis, nec faucibus purus diam sit amet odio. Praesent in purus libero. Maecenas lorem lectus, convallis eu porttitor ac, sodales a nisl. Aliquam erat volutpat. Aliquam venenatis sapien sit amet metus posuere vitae euismod odio placerat. Nullam nunc enim, convallis auctor rhoncus eu, viverra a augue. Quisque ligula dui, luctus ac imperdiet sed, pretium a dolor. Phasellus eleifend commodo molestie. Donec vel justo nisl, quis lacinia diam. Nam ut eros augue, et euismod massa. Duis luctus risus id velit dapibus pulvinar. Aliquam venenatis egestas ipsum. Ut rhoncus sodales condimentum. Sed augue eros, rutrum eu posuere ac, aliquet at nulla. Donec volutpat consectetur ultricies. Curabitur enim arcu, aliquet eu fringilla ac, auctor nec ipsum. Pellentesque rhoncus, erat vel aliquam posuere, lorem magna aliquam ipsum, nec commodo quam felis eget odio. Nulla urna odio, interdum non aliquet sed, ullamcorper ac arcu. Vestibulum ante ipsum primis in faucibus orci luctus et ultrices posuere cubilia Curae;

Nam viverra, libero sit amet fringilla varius, dui libero facilisis tortor, quis tristique mauris dui at nisi. Duis nec blandit risus. Curabitur odio orci, pulvinar eget iaculis vel, aliquam vel enim. Fusce nec tortor leo. Suspendisse vitae leo ligula, nec varius tellus. Aliquam erat volutpat. Curabitur ut mauris tellus, sed egestas mi. Quisque hendrerit arcu in massa scelerisque ultricies. Aliquam commodo ultrices nibh in tincidunt. Donec fringilla nulla vel quam vulputate ac rutrum nisi suscipit. Suspendisse scelerisque mollis velit, at commodo metus bibendum ac. Morbi sapien quam, sagittis in congue ut, mattis mollis nulla. Aliquam vitae ultricies velit. Nulla nulla nunc, consequat eu euismod at, pretium eget nunc. Vivamus vel est mauris. Fusce euismod euismod fringilla. Pellentesque quis nunc in eros auctor mattis. Quisque molestie, velit non sodales sollicitudin, neque risus malesuada enim, ut rhoncus sapien odio vel massa.

In pellentesque laoreet tincidunt. Aliquam purus lorem, feugiat non tincidunt eu, vulputate nec magna. Quisque arcu orci, sodales at consectetur in, posuere id nulla. Maecenas a ipsum et orci vestibulum aliquet eu ac mi. Duis neque elit, pulvinar sit amet posuere quis, placerat vel libero. Fusce cursus tellus magna, ac fermentum elit. Etiam ut scelerisque mauris. Ut magna justo, posuere sed vulputate in, dignissim in ante. Etiam id molestie lectus. Ut cursus venenatis leo, quis ultrices tortor suscipit vitae. In ultrices, mi vitae egestas aliquam, nunc leo bibendum nisl, ut vulputate neque sem eu lectus. Aliquam in ligula nec tellus ultrices euismod vitae nec tellus.

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Joke of the Day – The Green Thing

Joke of the Day – The Green Thing

The Green Thing

Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the older woman “she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren’t good for the environment”.

The woman apologized and explained, “We didn’t have this green thing back in my earlier days.”
The clerk responded, “That’s our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations.”

She was right — our generation didn’t have the green thing in its day.

Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled. But, we didn’t have the green thing back in our day.

Grocery stores bagged our groceries in brown paper bags, that we reused for numerous things, most memorable besides household garbage bags, was the use of brown paper bags as book covers for our school books.  This was to ensure that public property, (the books provided for our use by the school) was not defaced by our scribblings.   Then we were able to personalize our books.  But, too bad we didn’t do the green thing back then.

We walked up stairs because we didn’t have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn’t climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks. But she was right. We didn’t have the green thing in our day.
Back then, we washed the baby’s diapers because we didn’t have the throw-away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy gobbling machine burning up 220 volts — wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But, that young lady is right; we didn’t have the green thing back in our day.

Back then, we had one TV or radio, in the house — not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana . In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn’t have electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap. Back then, we didn’t fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn’t need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity. But, she’s right, we didn’t have the green thing back then.
We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull. But we didn’t have the green thing back then.

Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service. We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn’t need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest burger joint.

But, isn’t it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn’t have the green thing back then?
Please forward this on to another selfish older person who needs a lesson in conservation from a smartass young person.


We don’t like being older in the first place, so it doesn’t take much to piss us off!!!!

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Health and Beauty

Joke of the Day – Chinese Sick Day

Joke of the Day – Chinese Sick Day


Hung Chow calls his work and says, ‘Hey, I no come wok today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come wok.’

The boss says, ‘You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to give me Sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that.

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. ‘I do what you say and I feel Great. I be at wok soon. You got nice house’.

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Guts or Balls

Guts or Balls

To those of you who are nit-pickers about the meaning of words: there is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls.. We’ve all heard about people having Guts or Balls, but do you really know the difference between them?

In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:

GUTS – is arriving home late, after a night out with the boys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask, are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?

BALLS – is coming home late after a night out with the boys, smelling of perfume and beer, with lipstick on your collar, and slapping your wife on the bottom and having the Balls to say, you’re next, chubby.

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.

Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome. 

Both result in death.

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A Short Memory Course – How to Remember Names

A Short Memory Course – How to Remember Names



You just called the TV repair shop and the voice on the other end of the line tells you “this is Don Smith”.  About 5 minutes later you tell your wife that “this guy” will be out to fix the TV in the morning.  You can’t think of his name although you know he mentioned it on the phone.

This happens all the time to just about any of us unless we have learned to concentrate and implant the name in our memory right at the time we hear it.  To do this you first must make a habit of repeating the name back to the person.  This action will remind you to store the name in your “Memory banks” each time you hear someone’s name, and, within a matter of a short time the “repeating” process can be discontinued.

When you meet someone in person use the same procedure, and in addition, visualize something different, unusual from the ordinary, or “ridiculous” about their appearance, position, or actions that “ties in” with their name.  You may have to put the descriptive information on one side of a card or piece of paper and the name on the other side for a while until it is imbedded in your memory permanently.  Look at it repeatedly; see the “picture” in your mind’s eye as you look at the name, or when you see the name visualize the “picture” you have assigned to the name.

Getting this system to work will require certain changes in your thinking and it may take several days or several weeks to become proficient.  After all, you have developed a “Bad Habit” over a period of many years and it is difficult to turn it around overnight.

This method also works with anything else worth remembering, not just names.  When you have occasion to remember something, jot it down and incorporate it into your list . . . No complicated formula . . . Just a system that works with a little concentration.

Another method that works for me is word association. I met a lovely lady named Ebony recently and had lots of trouble remembering her name until I associated her name with the Paul McCartney/Michael Jackson hit Ebony and Ivory. I have never missed remembering her name again! You can also associate the person’s name with someone you already know or someone famous.


As mentioned above a person may train their memory by associating names with specific illustrations.  This works just as well with written information. There are several key words or a key thought in each paragraph of printed matter that can be associated with an illogical or ridiculous illustration.  It is much easier to remember and recall ridiculous associations than it is to recall normal and uneventful relationships.

As you proceed through any text choose one or several Key words or key thoughts from each subject and relate the same to a ridiculous cartoon or illustration.  Actually “see” it in your minds eye as it relates to the key word or key thought. When you have occasion to remember a particular matter, the “picture” should automatically appear to you and the entire thought should be recalled.  Be sure to SEE the ridiculous picture associated with the printed matter you wish to recall.

As you proceed through a book, practice seeing a picture and relate it to the key words or the main thought of the written material.  This method of learning should improve your ability to retain what you read.  With sufficient “practice” using this method, many individuals will be able to develop a “Photo-Type” memory.

The Key to this memory system is to “see” the picture” in your “mind’s eye”.  After you have practiced and mastered the system and are able to get instant flashback recall you should be able to read most any text material and visualize ridiculous pictures to associate with the thoughts expressed in the printed materials.

We suggest you prove this system to yourself.  As you read the first several pages of information, “see” a picture related to the words or  thought.  It may be rather difficult to “see” at first but by constant effort and concentration amazing progress can be made.  When you have seen the picture, just go on reading the following subject matter and repeat the process.

Don’t be concerned that you will forget the prior subjects!  They should remain imprinted on your mind and recalled later, instantaneously and clearly.

After you have read several pages, recall the first few “mind-pictures”.  If you originally “saw” the picture as related to the key thought of the printed material, you should remember the basic information.

Try it!  It’s interesting!  After you have mastered this learning system, it should be easy to file various programs away in your memory and recall them as needed to progress in your search for success.


The same system mentioned on the previous page may be used to memorize a speech by linking a series of thoughts to a series of ridiculous pictures in sequence.

Proper preparation of your speech is half the battle.  Know your subject thoroughly then make an outline for the introduction, main body and conclusion.  Start your speech with something to startle your audience into complete attention such as a weird statement or funny happening.

In presenting the main body of your speech get the confidence of your audience by letting them know you know your subject very well.  Get your points across without argument.

In making your conclusion you can briefly sum up what you have just stated then end with a big bang;  recommending action your audience should take or suggesting they change their viewpoint on the subject etc.;  finalize with a joke that fits the circumstances, or powerful word pictures they will remember after they leave the meeting.

Make your outline in large print with plenty of space between lines so you will be able to look up without losing your place on the sheets.  Rely on your memory for the most important points, including the opening and closing lines.

Practice your speech with a tape recorder and in front of a mirror before the meeting.  Work out any apparent speaking problems or things that don’t sound just right.  Know what you are going to do with your hands and determine the better body movements to go with your personality.  Continually make eye contact back and forth across the room.

Take time to think before answering questions.  If you don’t have the answer, ask another question, refer it to someone else better qualified to answer, answer in general terms, or change the subject  (like politicians do) complimenting the person asking the “impossible” question, or by telling a “clean” joke.

David Parrish

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